the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
