Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
