My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
