P.S. I can't hear my feet
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
