Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Congratulations! We have a period
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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