Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize