when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want her autograph on my taint
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
