I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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