Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
