I got chris browned last night
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
