Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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