We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
