the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
