Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
