omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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