I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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