Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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