I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
