Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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