Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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