i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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