Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
