I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
