I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize