I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
