Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
