I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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