no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
