Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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