just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize