She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
