I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
