If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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