There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
