That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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