i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
