...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You can't just leave with hair like that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
