Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
