yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
