paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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