At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
