Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
