somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize