...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
