I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
