You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
