Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
