I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
