i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize