smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
