i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
