I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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