My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
