I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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