so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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