oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
