I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
