I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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