Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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