I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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