so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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