The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Then you guys just all showered together...?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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