Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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