They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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