I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
They have beer where we have blood.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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