you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
