It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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