I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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