I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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